The Ecology of Education recently posted A Teacher’s Field Guide to Parents. It is a humorous piece poking fun at some of the personality types of parents that can be difficult for teachers to work with, and the personality types are broken into categories. Here is a parent’s point of view on those categories. I am hoping this response makes teachers a little more empathetic to what parents go through, and why parents sometimes act the way they do.
- What the author called Burger King Parents, I’ll call Parents Trying to Communicate. The author mentions these parents want immediate responses to their email or want to talk at inappropriate times. What these parents are trying to convey is a sense of urgency. They don’t want their concerns to sit for another day. Instead of appeasement, as the author suggests, maybe try actively listening to the concerns. If the concerns can’t be addressed right then, a statement like “I can see that this is incredibly important to you, and you’re probably losing over sleep over this. I don’t want to give you a rash answer, but rather, let me take some time to think about the issue and I will get back to you within 24 hours.” A statement acknowledging concerns will make parents feel a lot better than just being blown off.
- What the author called Chicken Little Parents, I will call Parents That Don’t Want their Child Left Behind. More than likely, in the past, they let a situation of concern go and now regret it. These parents don’t want a pat on the head and rote reassurance, as the author suggests. These parents have been there, done that, and this time, they’re not going to let it go without a fight. Instead of pretending to listen, as the author suggests, actually really listen to what the underlying concerns are. There are parents who truly believe that since they didn’t get their child in the most exclusive pre-school, their child’s chances for success in life are ruined. Find the deep-rooted issue, and give them real life examples of those that defied the odds. And you can even admit that a 4th grade report card will not matter on their college application.
- What the authors call Flinstone Parents are probably Parents that Recognize there are Problems in Education Today. The author is probably correct that these parents don’t understand how a diorama fits in to quality education, why their child is doing two hours of homework in middle school, or losing sleep over the upcoming standardized tests. These parents are not full of themselves. They’re being told by educators every day that their involvement is essential in today’s educational landscape, but managed to graduate college without their parents ever doing anymore than saying, “did you get your homework done?” No one has really explained to parents why there has been such a change in philosophy.
- The Grass is Greener Parents are probably the most involved parents, and should be recognize the as The Committed Parents that they are. It’s not that they don’t recognize what teachers are doing right. Quite the opposite, actually. They’re so excited to have a teacher that is doing something right, they want to do their part and enhance their child’s education as much as possible. Instead of taking their excitement personally, hear them out, and take or leave their suggestions.
- The Barometer Parents, as the author calls them, probably are tuned in to the class goings-on, and are a valuable resource in parent-teacher communication. Any grumbling or venting should be taken into consideration before it’s discarded by teachers, but parents also need to recognize that no teacher is perfect, and maybe the complaints are minor enough that it need not be addressed with the teacher. Both parents and teachers always need to leave room for the possibility that the other could be right, or “right” could be a middle ground.
- The author complains about The Perfectionist Parent, which implies parents should never question, complain, or suggest. Again, teachers need to remember that they’re not perfect, and to keep in mind they may be a little biased towards the way they do things versus what parents want to see.
- And finally, the teacher dubs the Bueller Parents category, rather than making room for the possibility that these are Busy Parents. Many of these parents that aren’t around are single parents, working full-time, going to school, or both. Some of these absent parents have serious financial and/or medical constraints. Remember these parents are trying to make the best of their less than ideal situations. They’re figuring out how to survive. They’re slapping a smile on their face in front of their children to not show the fear and sense of failure they feel as parents.
Parents are human beings. We are wrong as often as we’re right, but we’re trying. As our children grow and develop, we’re trying to figure out how much to let them be independent versus how much to hold them close; what is too mean versus what is too nice; what is too busy versus not busy enough, etc. And, no matter what decisions we feel strike the right balance, there will always be criticism from others who feel like we should be doing more in one direction or another.
Maybe the best label we can wear is as Your Partners in Our Children’s Education. We need your expertise, we need your patience, and we need just a little human kindness and understanding.
Image: LWVOR
April McCaffery is the single parent to two daughters, in 5th and 8th grade.
Related posts:
- Room Parents’ Survival Guide Part II
- Room Parents’ Survival Guide Part I
- Room Parents’ Survival Guide Part III
- Room Parents Survival Guide Part IV
- Parental Involvement Through the PTA
Tags: April McCaffery, Parents
[...] would not take long for a parent field guide to appear. April McCaffery @parentella has penned her response to Jason Flom’s Teacher’s Field Guide for Parents. April aptly describes what parents [...]
Or maybe it’s a small bit of humor, tongue-in-cheek. I understand the urge to defend, but perhaps just a snicker and moving on would have been the more apt response.
RT @EdOptionsInc Retort to 'A Teacher's Guide to Parents: 'A Parent's Guide to Parents (by @Parentella) http://bit.ly/c4td1W Via @TRECA_Ohio
April,
Thanks for the thorough response to my post. In retrospect, I realize I should have clarified in the opening that the types profiled represent 7 out of a gazillion. I can see how the piece might be offensive to some parents, and I assure you that was not the intent. I work at a school where “Parents as Partners” is one of our tag lines and it is one we live by, and for good reason. Cultivating and maintaining a strong relationship with parents is not only one of the most central necessities for building community within the classroom, it also opens new doors for making the education relevant to the student. Plus, selfishly, I have a number of continuing friendships with parents of former students. I see them as a gift that keeps on giving. Not only do I get to work with kids, I also have the chance to meet new and interesting adults who inspire me.
Perhaps I should revise the opening to make clear that 6 of these represent a few of the more challenging types, but are not representative of the majority of parents. (The Barometer parent is an ally.) Like most parents, I try to balance what I want for my girls (I have 2 like you) with what is practical. As a parent who is also a teacher, I’m desperate to not be “that parent” who oversteps or understeps or overreacts or underreacts or overcommunicates or undercommunicates. As you know it is difficult. What one parent sees as being communicative, a teacher may read as being overwhelming. Both may be correct. Another parent who tries to give their child the space & freedom to have their own life at school while signaling trust in the teacher may come across as aloof & absent from a teacher’s perspective. Again, both may be correct. Multiply 20 – 30 students times 1.5 parents, who are each different and have unique needs and wants, and you’ve got quite a number of relationships for a teacher to juggle.
Maybe in the future I’ll expand the field guide to cover the more common types (The Baker, The Resource, The Reader, The Super Single Mom, The Connector, The Grams & Gramps, etc.) and outline some ideas for working with them. Perhaps in that version I’ll tone down the humor and take a more measured & level tone.
While I do not seek to go back and forth on analysis of the types, I would like to be clear on one: The Bueller Parent. I was raised by a single, hard working mom from the time I was 9 months old. I have the deepest and utmost respect for all of you moms (and dads) who are braving it alone. Any teacher worth their salt knows which student comes from a single parent home and which comes from a home where the parent is just not involved. The Bueller Parent type is in no way aimed at the former.
Thanks again for the response & dialogue.
Respectfully,
Jason
Looking it at from a different perspective: A Parent’s Field Guide to Parents | by @parentella http://bit.ly/bqqF29
[...] types or handling ideas in the comment section. Or, consider working with the good folks over at Parentella to create a Parent’s Guide to [...]
Interesting comments to our post: A Parent's Field Guide to Parents http://bit.ly/bqqF29 What do you think?
April,
I made a couple changes to the opening that will hopefully clarify my main objective: highlighting a few extremes. Thanks, again for the feedback.
Cheers.
A parent's response on @Parentella (http://bit.ly/bB9tew) to my "Teacher's Field Guide to Parents" (http://bit.ly/dmZhgd) #parenting #edchat
@Jason: Thank you for making the changes, we really appreciate it.
@LuckyLab: Our goal is to bridge parents and teachers and enable cooperation and dialog. We felt that stereotypes for either roles don’t help but leave both parties with a bad taste. We thought it would be nice to provide a different perspective to those mentioned to show what parents go through.
A Parent's Field Guide to Parents http://cot.ag/9SwfVZ
RT @Parentella: A Parent's Field Guide to Parents http://cot.ag/9SwfVZ
April,
I think Jason’s article was mainly satire. I’m not sure why you take it so personally. I am a high school teacher, and I laughed when reading his article. 99% of my students’ parents would not fit into any one of these categories, but every once in a while, you have to deal with a parent who makes this article funny! I would think that most of my kids’ parents would chuckle over this article as well, recognizing little bits of it in themselves every once in a while. I’m sure someone could write a similar article about teachers and I would find it just as funny. I’m sure we can be hard to deal with on occasion, too.
Jason, thanks for the giggle.
most parents are crazy, and most teachers think they no better than the teacher, when the teacher probably spends more time than most parents do. many parents believe that teachers are 9 month babysitters that watch their kids while they have better things to do.
@Jason (Comment-8) I am sorry that you feel that way. The purpose of Education is to go beyond stereotypes and be open to listening to other perspectives. I hope your experience is different going forward.
Thanks for your comment.
RT@Parentella A Parent's Field Guide to Parents http://cot.ag/9SwfVZ
A parents field guide to parents http://ow.ly/2seOB < love it ! @aprilabtbalance | @lornacost we were just talking abt this! #edu #edchat
As a parent, I found Jason’s post quite funny, yet very effective. At different times in both my childrens educational journey I believe I have been all of these types of parents. It helps to see the other side of the conversation.
I had hoped that your response would be equally effective and at least a little humourous. As Chair of the PIC in our school board, I speak with parents regularly and find that you attract more flies with honey ( or in this case humour) then with vinegar.
Dear Heather:
Thank you for your comment.
Never judge a person till you have walked a mile in their shoes. I am personally not a teacher. I have many friends who are though and to put them into buckets would be unkind. Similarly, many parents feel powerless and helpless with all the changes. Through this post, although, not humorous, we hope to show you a perspective. We thought about writing a funny post about teachers and stereotypes but teachers have so much on their plate, balancing requirements, expectations, limited resources that we thought it unfair to do so.
I thought Jason’s post was light hearted and witty. I thought your response was accurate in it’s serious appraisal of some of the parent stereotypes, but completely missed the point of it being hilarious.
As a teacher for 30 yrs and a mother of 3kids aged 26, 19 and 7, I have had almost 30 yrs of continuous school parenting as well. I’ve met every one of those stereotypes and I think I have come across as every one of them at times too.I think it’s great to take a light hearted look at a serious issue and if because of it we recognise some of parenting idiosyncracies, then all the better.
Parent/teacher communication and connectedness is a huge predictor of student outcomes. If, as parents, we could look at these stereotypes and remind ourselves once in awhile that our child is not perfect and that they are not the only student a teacher has to look after, then our kids will be the ones to benefit.If, as teachers, we can remain calm and smile to ourselves while we deal, on the spot, with the various needs of all the parents we see each day, then everyone will go home happier.
Not the Beuller parents though. They just need to get their heads in the game. Socio economics has nothing to do with my Beuller parents. Nothing makes you so busy you can’t take the time to sign a note, send an email, make a phone call, visit the school once in awhile.
Hi Anne:
Thank you for the comment. We will try our hand at hilarious but not at the expense of a group or another.
You’re right. There are learning opportunities in every situation.
Aparna
I thought the original blog was funny, and I appreciate the response. I’m the active parent who supports the PTO, classroom and the school but questions them when I believe it’s in my child’s best interest. I have stopped going to parent/teacher conferences because I’m learning nothing by sitting across the table from five teachers who hand me printouts of the grades and shoo me out of the room in 10 minutes. Not productive for anyone!
Mindy: Thank you for your comment. Teachers are under a lot of pressure and have limited resources.
I agree, deeper conversations with respect for both perspectives is crucial. Ultimately, teachers and parents working together can solve any problems that come our way because we have the same goal in mind: Do what is best for the kids.
A Teacher’s Field Guide to Parents http://bit.ly/bZ8AbQ and A Parent’s Field Guide to Parents http://bit.ly/9VDQVN
RT @dgende: A Teacher’s Field Guide to Parents http://bit.ly/bZ8AbQ & A Parent’s Field Guide to Parents http://bit.ly/9VDQVN
Perhaps an outside perspective would be useful here. I am neither a parent nor a teacher — but I recognize every one of the categories Jason mentions, either from personal experience (my own life, or those of my friends when I was growing up) or from my various online communities (you know how much parents talk about their children’s lives in virtually any social context). Rather than being automatically defensive, consider the possibility that there REALLY ARE parents who are exactly like that. And if one of those defensive reflexes seems to speak especially loudly to you… take a good hard look in the mirror. The person who worries that they might be “that parent” almost never is; it’s the person who is ABSOLUTELY SURE that they couldn’t POSSIBLY be.
[...] My immediate thoughts went to a rebuttal which is a post written by April McCaffery for Parentella ” A Parent’s field guide for parents” which was a response to another similar [...]
Sharp thinking! Thanks for the anwesr.
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[...] A Parent’s Field Guide to Parents The Ecology of Education recently posted A Teacher’s Field Guide to Parents. It is a humorous piece poking fun at some of the personality types of parents that can be difficult for teachers to work with, and the personality types are broken into categories. Here is a parent’s point of view on those categories. I am hoping this response makes teachers a little more empathetic to what parents go through, and why parents sometimes act the way they do. [...]
RT @Parentella: A Parent's Field Guide to Parents #ptchat http://t.co/TCrk7Pn gr8 must find balance so parents/teachers can communicate
RT @Parentella: A Parent's Field Guide to Parents #ptchat http://t.co/TCrk7Pn gr8 must find balance so parents/teachers can communicate
A Parent's Field Guide to Parents | Parentella http://t.co/Q6boXnrx
attachment parenting…
[...]A Parent’s Field Guide to Parents | Parentella[...]…