I heard this great line in Passing Strange (proving once again how much I learn from Broadway musicals). I’m paraphrasing, but in a nutshell: “You know that feeling when you wake up one morning and realize your entire adult life was based on a decision made by a teenager?”
As a mother, that completely stresses me out.
I think about my own life, and those decisions made by a 16-year-old, an 18-year-old, a 24-year-old, and even today, at 30-something and I still can’t believe that I’m the adult now. Even stranger, I’m the mom!
Even so, I don’t have very many regrets. Our lives take strange twists and turns, and consequences – as I’ve learned from both my own life and as a mother trying to dole them out appropriately – have unintended effects. All we can do is learn from them, and move on, and try to do better.
My 12-year-old daughter is doing poorly in Math. And I don’t know how to help her.
I don’t remember what I learned in school about equations. Even when I look through my notes or online help, I’ve been known to give her the wrong answers. This is information that I dumped as soon as the class was over. It was always very hard for me, and I didn’t always know what I was doing wrong. I just know I did enough and never have to take Math again. That is, as the student.
Knowing that I was never going to last in a career that required stellar math skills, I thought it was okay to not hang onto that. I didn’t know that I’d have to remember it to teach my children. (My other daughter, thankfully, has a knack for Math. She didn’t get it from me.)
I joined another parent committee and at our first meeting, other parents talked about the need for tutors. I recognized the helplessness in their eyes.
I don’t know how they did in those classes when they were growing up. One parent had a thick accent that led me to believe she was not born in the U.S. so I don’t know if her background has given her the skills necessary to help her child. We just all knew our children needed help, and we couldn’t give it to them.
I wish I could say we came up with a solution for everyone. We did not.
I know for my own daughter, there is shame in needing help. She is struggling with her pride right now to reach out and get the help she needs. And she’s 12, so sometimes, communication is hard. For both of us.
Frankly, right now, I’ll be happy if she passes. I don’t need her to get straight As. I don’t want her to feel like a failure if she does. At the same time, I don’t understand how a child that goes to all her classes and completes her work could not pass. She tells me in a desperate voice, “I’m trying!” And I know she is. And I feel just as desperate because my own attempts to help have been such a failure.
I can just hope that the decisions she makes, and the ones I make for her, still manage to get her to an adult life where she is happy, productive, and contributing to our society…even if she won’t be our next Einstein.
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I had the same issue with my son. With each post that you write, I feel like I am not alone in my struggles. We got him started on Kumon lessons. They have helped a lot. His self confidence has improved. After 5 months of struggle, homework, remedial work, he is finally at grade level.
He had a quiz last week and he studied so hard for it and finally succeeded and I think broke a wall in his own mind.
Hang in there. You are there for her, she will make it.
I wanted to be a Math teacher. In fact, I’m certified to teach Math and have taught a few Math classes in middle and high school. This is no consolation, I’m sure, but it’s often disheartening to me to see the state of Math education. It’s hard to find a good Math tutor that will aim for understanding and not just correct answers. Maybe some manipulatives or other hands on objects will help, esp with equations? Good luck.