Parentella

Reality always has a way of shattering even the most carefully structured protection bubbles we try to put around our precious children. Bullying is in the school grounds is one of those things, and is many a mom’s worst fear. What is devastating is when bullying is experienced by your child from both genders. Boys bully differently from the way girls do, but the effects are still traumatic for any child on the receiving end.

My then five-year old daughter (now six) came home one day very upset and on the verge of tears. She was telling me that some of her alleged new friends at school told her they don’t want to be friends with her anymore because she wouldn’t give them her snack. Apparently, this had been going on for a while and she was braving it, but the pressure had finally shattered her spirits and she told me about it. I was shocked. I knew the girls she was talking about. How could such seemingly sweet girls exhibit destructive Jekyll and Hyde attributes?

It didn’t end there. A few weeks later my daughter came home complaining that a certain boy from another class started to bully her in the playground. This alleged boy stalked her and one time pushed her because she resisted playing with him. I was aghast! Where was all this meanness coming from?

According to Michelle Anthony, M.A., Ph.D co-Author of Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-proof Girls in the Early Grades, “The powerful need to be part of a social group is firmly set by the time children enter elementary school. Even in preschool, children include or exclude one another; you’ve probably seen teasing, name-calling, and worse. By elementary school, children are less supervised—even in kindergarten—and they begin to test the influence of their own power. They seek connections with friends at what might be described as ‘any cost.’”

Thus bullying, or aggression to take control, ensues. Girls use Relational Agression or “Social Cruelty,” borne from the need to be in an exclusive group or clique. Boys use physical aggression as part of their masculine make-up.

Here are some key points by Dr. Anthony to consider that apply whether your daughter is just starting grade school or is in junior high:

• OBSERVE the social situation with new eyes
• CONNECT with your child in a new way
• GUIDE your child with simple, compassionate strategies
• SUPPORT your daughter to act more independently to face the social issue

On a side note, I was bullied once, not too long ago, in front of my daughter. The bully was a much older woman who was attempting to exhibit superiority over me. Though it was an unfortunate event, it was a chance for me to show my daughter how to stand up against bullies!

And my daughter’s bullies? They’ve stopped. My daughter took a firm stand and told them off. Her courage and braveness pulled her through this upsetting and hurtful situation.

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Maricris Guadagna is the Founder and Editor of ZensibleMama.com, her personal site that tackles how to live life zensibly. She is a working mother who is also very active in Social Media and charitable projects.

Related posts:

1. Bullying
2. Anatomy of a Bully: Part I
3. Anatomy of a Bully: Part III
4. Panelist Discussion: Bullying Among Girls
5. Our Mean Girls Experience

Tags: bullies, dealing with bullies, girls who are bullied

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011 at 12:01 am and is filed under Adult/Child Communication, Guest, Media, Miscellaneous, Parent Perspectives. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.